Fragments (night of 07/12/2014)

Holding in my hand a ball of some soft substance. Some childs' toy that I cannot put back together again. The soft candle-wax like substance comes apart in my hands.

Toying with headache tablets in my pocket.

Waiting for someone in some kind of supermarket waiting area, full of tables and turnstiles. Other people are waiting with me too.

On a date with a woman who has a child. Unsure if I want a relationship with her.

Attic Hatch (night of 02/12/2014)

I leave my room and look up. I see the hatch to the attic is disturbed, as if someone has just climbed i or out.

The Evil Stool (evening of 01/12/2014)

In a house with other people. A stool has become evil and possessed, and zips around the house at malevolent speed. The stool must be destroyed! We wait for it down the end of a corridor - the stool slides down, and we leap on it. we take it's legs off, and snap them - every part of the stool must be dismantled and destoyed.

Nostalgia and Decaying RAF Bases (night of 30/11/2014)

I have joined some kind of Facebook group dedicated to decaying RAF breaks. being part of this group mean regular meetings in real life visiting these places. The people who are members of this group are all 'RAF kids'. One such place we are in is a bright white room, perhaps on the second floor. The paint is peeling off of the walls. There is a woman here. The place immediately makes me feel at home. Outside of the windows I see a landscape full of the most amazing trees. I long and yearn for these trees, and feel a huge and sad nostalgia for  childhood that is now gone.

Living in the Overlook (night of 30/11/2014)

I am.  living in a hotel. It is an old hotel, and seems to be in black and white. The hotel is The Overlook, from Kubrick's version of Stephen King's 'The Shining' - though doesn't really resemble it. The hotel is, of course, haunted. though by what I am not sure. There are lots of people in the hotel moving about. There is a build up of atmosphere. Dark corridor, wintry resonance. I am writing to someone about my experiences living in the hotel. It strikes me as amazing that I really am living in the Overlook.

Temple in Thailand (night of 28/11/2014)

I am with my friend James at a temple in Thailand. There is a ritual at the temple: light a stick of incense then place the lighted incense in a 'box' for the god you wish to contact / appease/ give thanks to. The boxes are all placed vertically taking up the whole side of a wall - rather like a display case. I wish to light a stick for a 'god of prosperity', but there is nothing in his box - no icon, no picture, just a few scraps of rubbish.

Work Stress (morning of 25/11/2014)

At work.
I am sat at my desk in room 3. I have to leave for some reason, and when I return one of the new managers is angry with me because of the state of my desk. She is very patronizing and I have to remind her that I have been working there for a year. This makes no difference to her attitude. She rants about the cleaners, and I feel I am being treated as a new member of staff.
I run into another of the new managers from work. He is speaking to me about a new campaign that I will be put on, even though I do not want to go on a new campaign and am happier where I am. He says that with '6 years of experience' I will be good for the campaign. 6 years? I have only been working in this company a year! I am puzzled, but then realize that he is referring to my years working in various call centres. It soon become apparent that I know this man from somewhere - or rather that he knows me. I do not recognize him. his features then change from that of a white man into a black man with a trilby hat.
I have to get to a band rehearsal / gig. There will be a lot of people in this band - ten of us are to be onstage, which someone points out will be 'total chaos'. We will be playing some kind of heavy doom metal. I have bought my guitar along with me - my old guitar that I got for my Christmas of 1992. I am unhappy with work, and am unsure where we are to rehearse. We have a room at work to rehearse in but I am not sure where - there is a notice on a board. Room 4 or 5? Everyone else is there. Andy comes to look for me, but because I am in a bad mood I ignore him and pretend I have not seen him. Cutting off my nose to spite my face. Now I am in a room with Nat and Karen - possibly their flat. I start whinging about something - perhaps what has happened at work, perhaps that I do not know where the rehearsal is, perhaps I am just being self pitying - the last seems extremely likely. Nat says she is sick of me complaining and then leaves the room.
I am trying to find my boots,
If I find my boots I will be able to get to the rehearsal. I am reaching under Nat and Karen's sofa for the boots. I find one but not the other. Then I find another boot but not of the same pair. They are both covered in mud. This is ridiculous. The rehearsal, by the time I get there will be all but over! Not only will I have had a shit day at work, and made people angry because I have been whinging, I also will not be part of a heavy doom band any more!
I go to put on some deodorant. Karen asks of I can go into the other room to do it. I do so. The other room had the feel of a much not used room in a middle-class house, all neat and tidy. There are ornaments on the windowsill.
I wake from this dream - about an hour ago as I write - feeling unhappy and angry!

Is Stephanie Gay? (night of 24/11/2014)

I am spending a lot of time with Stephanie. We may well be sharing a flat. I cannot work out if she is gay or not. I am convinced she is gay, yet she seems to act around me if she is attracted to me. We curl up naked in bed together, yet I am still unsure. I go to videos of her on Youtube, where she is with her housemate - an older man in a beard. They seem very tactile with each other. They say that they will try to act 'more like a couple'. Are they then seeing each other? Is he still living in the flat in a room I have not yet seen? Are they only trying to 'act like a couple' because she wants to seem straight, and not as gay as she obviously is?

Night Insect (night of 08/11/2014)

I am lying on my mattress. It is night, I open my eyes, and see on the wall a few inches away from me, a strange insect a couple of inches long. This unnerves me, I watch it crawl into a crack in the wall, and hope that I never see it again.

The Curse (night of 07/11/2014)

I am with Vicky whom I used to go to college with twenty years ago. We are outside and in an alcove in an embankment, I find a book called 'Undead Mania' which has a picture on the front of the monster off of 'Scottish Ghost Stories' - the first ghost book I had when I was a kid.
Something about babies and artwork.
With someone else. They give me a book. Badly illegible writing. It is a list of of facts about me - at least this I can work out. There is a lot of history about me here. I give the book back, disturbed, and say that it is very easy to intimidate me as I am always so anxious anyway. It turns out that the book is curse placed on me.
I am furious with a genuine outrage.

A Bend in the River (morning of 5/11/2014)

A bend in the river. There is something very familiar about the river - I have been here before. I am with other people. White drizzly day, It has been raining recently. Passing by manhole covers in the river - now covered intermittently by the waters. Saying to whoever I am with that that beneath those covers are entrances to subterranean chambers the size of a local park (I think I said St Annes Well Park).

Pub Toilet and Mugger (Night of 4(?)/11/2014

A city street with people. It is night, A group of us. A black man begins talking to us. He takes out a large instrument which ends in a kind of blade. He intends to mug us with it. No-one takes his threat very seriously. Going in and out of the pub to use the toilet. I become suddenly afraid that I will be attacked - possibly by the black man with a strange instrument that ends in an inneffectual looking blade.

A Big Bang Haunting (night of ?/10/2014)

I am with Raj and Howard, characters from the TV show Big Bang Theory, in my flat. The flat is dark and atmospheric. We decide to hold a seance / play with a ouija board. The atmosphere intensifies. I go to the toilet, knowing this to be an error. I turn and see a huge shadow ascend the stairs. It is that of Paul (a waking-life friend who is schizophrenic). The Paul-shadow enters the living room. Raj and Howard are terrified.

Radioactive Flowers (night of ?/10/2014)

Walking down Cromwell Road near Andy's old flat. Suddenly noticing a new building set far back from the road and surrounded by trees. I look at the windows wondering which one I would like to look out of. Wishing the trees were slightly more clustered. The house - I am sure - was not there previously. Discussing (with Andy?) the possibility that the house may be a haunting. Roses growing over the walls that surround the house. The Andy character says that 'the roses will take a long time to grow from scratch' as they have been affected by the radiation - as has the house, and ultimately the haunting itself.

The Reluctant Hitman (night of 18/10/2014)

I am with Kano from the 2000ad comic strip 'Bad Company'. We're in some kind of gang, and I'm some kind of hitman. We meet a rival hangout in the desert, led by some kind of 'outback mafia-ma' type. Kano is trying to come to some kind of deal with them. I get sick of this, take out my machine gun and start shooting them. I can't believe I'm doing this. Some of the gang start shooting back. I get further and further away from the main shooting, and the desert becomes Uxbridge Common. I am very worried. How have I become a hit man? I won't be able to feel safe for the rest of my life! I deeply regret starting a shoot out with the desert gang.

The Distance Coming Closer (morning of 12/10/14)

I am sat in a bedroom that reminds me of my first bedroom in Brighton, up in Moulscoomb. I am looking out of the window at the distance, and am surprised to see the yellow hill of the Downs far closer than I had noticed previously (this is the same hill that I can see from work). I also notice some kind of transmitter as well. The distance is covered in a bright autumnal sunlight. I am very pleased with this view. I also notice in this ever closer distance some kind of waterfall. In the back garden is a mustachioed workmen. As I am looking out of the window I am thinking about Worcester, of how my time living in Worcester seems so long ago now, a real 'part of the past'. I am thinking that it feels I have crossed a rubicon, and maybe I should transfer my feelings of longing from Worcester to Brighton where I am actually living.

The Town in the Woods (night of 28/09/2014)

I was back in Kinloss trying to get to the wood that I could see from Southside. It was really a small collection of trees by the train track, but they used to fascinate me, and we believed they were haunted.

In the dream I was approaching the woods along a pavementless road. Farmers fields. Grey sky. I noticed there was some farm buildings. As we got to the woods themselves, I realized that the interior of the woods contained something approximating a small town. I was with Charlotte in my dream - and possible someone else as well. I was not sure that we were allowed to be in this town. Nonetheless, I was still eager to see the street lights come on in Southside, and hoped to get to the edge of the town / woods, and watch them that way. I couldn't get to the edge of the woods, as the town seemed to get larger. The town, though large also had a cosy comfortable feel to it - this was what a town would be like if it really could exist inside a small group of trees. There was also a curiously empty feel to the town - abandoned, though not sinister as abandoned places often are. We found ourselves in a hospital that seemed both deserted and used (men in beds looking at us). In another building on the ground floor, Charlotte had dressed herself up in a goth- like way. I told her that she looked beautiful, She laughed cruelly at this. She was sitting on a sofa in a dark basement like room.

And Yet Another Return To Woodstock Drive (morning of 10/09/2014)

On the 223 bus from Uxbridge to Ickenham.

I am walking down Woodstock Drive with a woman unknown to me in real life. We pass by my old house and she goads me to go up to the door. To look in through the window. I am afraid that the current occupants will see me and I am afraid. She goes to the door. I have a brief glimpse in the living room window. Piles of pillows by the door.

I am now inside 33 Woodstock Drive with Andrew. The house is not occupied. We are not meant to be there. Even though the house is not occupied there is the feeling that it is being looked after. Perhaps by next door neighbours. Andy and myself are in my old room. There are still belongings of the previous occupants scattered about. It is still day, though night looms large in my mind. I ask Andy if he feels that this house is haunted. He says yes, that the air is 'not still' or 'has things in it' or something. Andy turns the light on. I am afraid that this will attract the attention of the next door neighbours, those who are looking after the house. I go downstairs. The geography outside of my bedroom is different to when I lived there - the stairway runs to the right, not left - there is a new window in the hallway or the lounge. In the kitchen. Something about candles.

I woke up after this dream and lay in bed, and it felt - overwhelmingly - the same atmosphere as that of the autumn of 2992. I lay in bed and imagined I was back in my old room at Woodstock Drive. It was not hard to do.

Airport Absence (night of 2/6/2014)

At an airport. Sil, an old colleague from the petrol station. Trying to sleep at the airport. Airport has the atmosphere of a crumbling building site at night, Calling in sick at work.

The Ladder (night of 26/05/2014)

I am with Emily. We are exploring some kind of subterranean network of sewers /  culverts. Emily has successfully navigated a deeper part of the underground lair. I am afraid too. I enter into this lower, darker level, and discover a structure made out of what seems to be wood - it resembles a ladder. The water int his lower level is rushing and foamy and dangerous. I am afraid that if I stay the ladder will be destroyed by the water and I will drown.

Typical Anxiety Dream (night of 25/05/2014)

I am in a stage play. I think it might be Shakespeare, something like Titus Andronicus or Corialanus. I am not sure whether we are rehearsing or performing. It seems like a combination of the two - maybe a dress rehearsal? It strikes me that I have not learnt my lines, and I am about to be find out. Neither do I have a script. I think that if I make the trip to Waterstones, I can buy a copy of the necessary text, and no-one will know the difference.
The stage play seems to be held in something regarding a church hall. It is near West Street. Getting back to the church hall (after Waterstones I presume though I can't really remember) is proving difficult. There seems to be sll manner of dead ends, holes and labyrinths by the sea front. Someone will have noticed I have gone by now! I will be found out I do not know my lines!

Lost Workings (night of 13/04/2014)

Swakeleys Park in Ickenham. At the footbridge over the River Pinn. Remembering a time before when I had come here - with Edward? - There had been an entrance into some kind of subterranean sewer working. Great stone steps in the darkness. Water. A feeling of vastness. Unable to find the way in.
Ascending a set of steps. Bright sun on trees and bushes. It is summer. Not Swakeleys Park anymore. Dizzied by the light and a sudden panic. I had been somewhere else, and it was strange coming here, outside amongst all these summery things. Vaguely spooky.

Southside Dream (night of 24/03/2014)

I am back in Kinloss. I have travelled by train with Al, Claire and Andy. There is some reason why we are there, but I cannot remember now. I realize this is the first time that I will have seen Andy in Kinloss (though when would I have seen Claire or Al there?). We head back into Southside. I think this is Al's idea but I'm not sure - Southside isn't our eventual destination. It is heading toward evening. Suddenly I am very excited and tell everyone that this will be like all those dreams of Southside I have had where I am entering Southside at twilight and all the street lights come on. I see a few street lights already on - probably broken and were shining through the day. I want that special click - and then the slow warm up from pink to bright -night-burnished orange. I hope we have enough time to witness this mystical sight before having to leave Southside. Southside looks very similar to it's waking life counterpart. I see a group of teenagers huddled on a bench. Down Easter Road? There are some differences including a kind of river / culvert. Some buildings have an older feel about them - there is, perhaps, an air of a harbour about the place, as if Southside is set by the sea. Claire looks into a dark building (the door is slightly ajar). This bothers me for some reason and I hurry her on. We come across a dog being taken for a walk. The dog is friendly and the man is too. We end up at his house watching the television. Other members of his family are there too. They do not seem to mind our presence, but we have not been introduced properly. I notice the street lights have still not come on. Perhaps we are not as close to evening as thought? The man brings out a cheeseboard which we set to with gusto. Everyone watches the television in an odd silence.

Summer Dream with Courtyard (night of 21/02/2014)

Summertime. I am with my parents where they live, in some kind of dream-Midlands. They live in a house which feels like a cross between Bretforton and the mews where I live now. Sunny courtyard. I am with them in the car. Pleased I have got a front seat. Three people squeezed in the back. Not sure who is with us. When I get out of the car I am pleased to see a feral dog / fox in the courtyard where my parents live The dog / fox seems friendly enough. Joe is here too. I am suddenly aware that he has to leave. I feel sad, but he has to get back to wherever he is going to.

Sapphire and Steel (dream of 20/02/2014)

A ground floor apartment that opens out onto a small dark alleyway. This alleyway is part of some slightly run-down yet picturesque shopping arcade. I have some kind of stall outside of the apartment. Things selling on wooden tables. There is some concern to what I am selling. Am I selling Sunday papers?
The flat is haunted. Sapphire and Steel have been assigned. It is unclear whether I have joined Sapphire and Steel on their assignment, or if I am actually taking the role of Steel, or merely observing it as one watches a television programme, completely unconnected to the action. There are other people in the flat as well. The hauntings seem to be concentrated in the back rooms of the apartment. As we approach these rooms, things begin to move and shake; a table cloth forms itself into the shape of a chicken or small bird and starts to squawk at us, a huge dressing table begins to shake and lift itself. I report to Sapphire that whatever is behind the hauntings is 'utilising a great deal of kinetic energy'. One of the other people in the flat is a woman whom I believe the hauntings to be centred around. The movement of objects only occur when she is present. She does not seem very interested in this. Neither does anyone else. I try to get their interest but to no avail.

Back to F.I. (dream of morning of 19/02/2014)

I am working back at F.I. I have had some time away and have now returned. I had handed my notice in and left, but somehow, this was not official, and I have been able to return. My new seat is by the door. The door opens straight into a stairway, rather than the lifts. A number of people from other floors come in. It is 5pm and people are heading home. I am pleased to see that Claudia is still working here. She pauses as she begins to walk down the corridor to the exit (which in waking life would have led to the break room). Sandra comes over. She does not say hello to me. I wonder if she knew I had ever left. Another part of the dream involves remembering a time when I was at F.I and not working on the phones. I was working in admin on a lower floor. I do not know why I had to return.