Uxbridge At Night In The Pandemic (night of 10/08/2020)

 I think this is Uxbridge, but looks like that stretch of Brighton between Western Road and the beach. A curved road. Walking with Kelley and maybe my sister? They are going out somewhere. A feeling that I am not meant to be with them. They walk ahead. Unsure if I am meant to catch up.
Uxbridge. Night. I am in WHSmiths - subtly altered. Andy is there. He tells me that he will catch up with me later, and will find me by using a WHSmiths bag or something. Standing outside Smiths. A new shop makes me suddenly anxious that this is not Uxbridge, but it is. Some kind of pen shop. I see that they have some kind of security guard. The pen shop looks quite exclusive. I need some cartridges or something but I am afraid to go in. The security guard is there because of the pandemic. Something happens (I cannot remember what) - I would not have been allowed in. I see a coffee shop is open - maybe I should have a coffee in there while I wait? Again, I feel anxious about the thought of going into the coffee shop. I am not sure why. Back in WHSmiths. Someone hands me my WHSmiths bag. I am pleased by this. I am still not sure how Andy will find me. These things have not been explained to me.

Fire At My Old School (night of 21/06/2020)

There is a fire at my old school. We are all evacuated. I am in the corridor that leads down to the quiet playground. I suddenly think about what or whom needs to be rescued. There is another way out down this way. Does an old woman need to be rescued? I think what might need to be saved from the classrooms, and head deeper back into the school. There is no smell of smoke. someone else warns me it might be dangerous because of looters. As I walk down the corridor I do smell smoke. Time to get out.

Worcester University, Morayshire (night of 03/06/2020)

Dark. Night. It feels like late autumn or early winter. I am back at Worcester University - though it feels like it may also be Forres - and that area of Brighton / Hove by the train station, A feeling of rain. Sam - an autistic internet blogger is there - with her two children. Are we here for night lectures? It is unclear. I am preparing to head back into town. Sam calls from another room, asking if she can head back into town with me to 'face the apocalypse'. This is said in a jokey way, but somehow refers to the Covid 19 outbreak which is still ongoing. I want to go on my own - but then I realise that I would not wantt to reject Sam, and going into town with her would be quite pleasant anyway. I have an image of catching the bus - again, that late autumn cosy feel - all wind and rain. Sam pops into the room - she seems to be wearing some kind of maids uniform. It suddenly strikes me how pretty she is. I suddenly start to remember the last time I was back on campus - or rather, an earlier time, back when I had graduated. In the dream, this seemed like memories of another dream. Joe Walmsley was there - as Ruth was? Again it was night, and in a large dining room. This memory within a dream, felt again like Forres - I remember looking out of a window at a dark landscape at night, across fields with occasional hosues. The outskirts of town - the area between Forres and Kinloss perhaps.

A Boat On A Railway Track (night of 25/05/2020)

Louise lets me into her house. Flash is there, her border collie. Lively and playful, he looks somehow diminished. A string of something hangs from his jaw. He looks smaller. I know this is because he is dying of cancer (as he is in waking life). A long corridor outside Lou's house. People sat on a bench eating dinner. They do not want Flash near them. I am somewhat repulsed by the thing hanging down from Flash's jaw. I try to ignore my discomfort because I love Flash.
***
I am walking on a road by a beach, semi-urban - buildings of a commercial nature, perhaps holiday shops. There has been some kind of recent rain. The road is covered with water. I run up an embankment to avoid being splashed by passing cars. I eventually reach a stone wall of some front garden and cannot go any further, I look down at the road which is even deeper in water - and now seems to be sloping down. Cars pass through the water - it is very deep indeed. I also notice that walkers are strolling through the water too. Perhaps I should do this? I cannot move forward any other way.
***
Emily's boat is huge, in some kind of harbour. It is attached to some kind of structure at a mooring. A hige sail - which resembles some kind of tent-canvas, stretches above us, also attached to some kind of structure. I am pulling on the rope, holding the canvas-sail down, or am I? I look down the decking to where Al is smiling at me in a way I cannot read. I notice the sail - and part of the structure slip away and lean toward the next boat. Something happens. The boat is on some kind of railway track - it speeds off intot he distance, an impossible acceleration. I look down the tracks to where the boat has travelled to.

No Deliveries For Me / About To Give Birth (night of 18/05/2020)

There is a knock at the door. I am expecting parcels to be delivered. I open the door, and see a lot of boxes and parcels out there stretching along the front garden wall. One of them is in a long cardboard tube by the gate. I am disappointed to discover that none of these are for me, they are for the new neighbours moving in next door. I speak to the woman (one of a couple - they have actually moved in there in waking life) and I look at the books - old paperbacks from the 1970s / 1960s - dark, pulpy sci-fi horror covers I am interested in.
***
I am in a room alone. I am pregnant and about to give birth. I am alarmed that I am to have to go through this alone. I suddenly realize how much it will hurt. Bloody water on the floor - my waters have broken. It is unclear if I am male or female.

Porcelain Doll Hands (night of 17/05/2020)

Some kind of malevolent force is trying to break through from another dimension into ours. When the force enters our dimension, it is in the form of porcelain hands, like those of old china dolls. Someone down by the sea - one of the hands grabs her. Another seems to come out of the table and grab my wrist.

Picking Up The Brontes (night of 12/05/2020)

About to enter a building with the Brontes (including their father) - the Brontes as played by the actresses in the 1970s television adaptation of their biographies. It appears to be the modern day - the building might be a university. The theme tune plays in the background - Patrick Bronte expresses approval - it is a classical piece. I am somewhat surprised as thought the theme tune was more modern. There is some unrest - Emily will be somewhat restricted in behaviour (perhaps she will not be allowed to drive the car, or sit in the front passenger seat) due to some minor social misbehaviour. She is bitter about this.

Bus-Ride Into Old Towns (night of 10/05/2020)

On a bus, returning to Uxbridge. Thinking how odd it is to be returning. Pleased that the bus will take me past the old alleyway that we used to walk from the town centre to college. Late afternoon sun, feels like on of those autumnal days at the end of August.
Uxbridge turns into Brighton - I am still returning though. I am due to begin a shift at my old job. Brighton Station. The familiar streets. The bus swings by. The bus pulls in at a bus-stop. For one horrified moment, I think that Andy is getting on the bus on the way to his work. It is just a bouncer outside a restaurant or hotel. There seems to be a number of people at the bus-stop. The Bus pulls away.

Forres Before Dawn (night of 07/05/2020)

I am back in Forres - possibly on holiday with my parents.
Early morning - it is still dark. I am dropped off (by bus?) on the far side of the high street - the roads leading to school - though these roads are empty - no buildings, a feeling of fields. An edgeland country. I begin to walk up to the high street. I am alarmed by shouts from behind me and hurry my pace. I turn the corner - ah! There is Forres high street. I am somewhat relieved.There are streaks of light now in the sky.
As I walk up the slope towards Forres, I think that I should see Drumduan Park - our old house - while it is still dark. This idea is exciting - should I walk up the road by Cluny Hill, or walk up from the base of Drumduan Park?
I ponder on the idea of getting a can of drink from the newsagent. I enter the newsagent and see that it is full of people. I am not sure where the queue is. They do not appear to be observing social distancing. I decide to leave the shop.

***

This feels like something I am reading or watching rather than something I am taking part in. A woman is telling a man that to learn magick he must not mind - because many people are surprised - that magick is more about her personal tastes and science fiction than anything else. There is a comic to read outlining her occult philosophies - there is some instruction in the comic, to be a good magician one must 'suck on a lot of comics every day'. The woman's name is Ares or Ariadne.

A Card In Covid-19 (night of 06/05/2020)

The shop is closed because of the pandemic lockdown. Dark and cool interior. It's some kind of small stationery store. I open the door to look at the street (it resembles Sydney Street in brighton - perhaps I am in the shop emspace as it used to be?). There is a girl/woman at the door - possibly the same woman who I see on the streets of Worcester all the time? She wants to buy a card - one with a red heart on. I tell her that we are closed because of the pandemic, but then I think - what harm will it do? She steps into the shop, and gives me £3.00 for the card. I am aware of the touch. Because of the pandemic we should not be touching but I do not really mind. I ask her how her lockdown is going.

Wolf Things And Hospital (night of 15/04/2020)

A dark landscape - probably suburban. I am being bullied by some kind of sorcerer. This has been going on for a while. Huge wolf-like creatures are forming from the air. The sorcerer laughing. I flee. In a room with my mother, feeling safer.
***
I am with a woman, entering an old, abandoned hospital. (Three storeys, each with a corridor stretching down the length of it?) It is daylight. She has some kind of official capacity - perhaps as a security guard, though she is dressed casually. She tells me that it doesn't matter how many times she comes here, she always hears the sounds of people moving about - even when it is empty. I am amazed to hear someone walking along the corridor above, and I turn to her "even now?". She nods. Yes, there is no-one there. She goes on to warn me that I 'should never come here alone'. Corridors, hallways, glimpses of outside - it seems to be sunny out there. I have a torch I am swinging about - not sure why I need it as it is quite bright. I am afraid at one point that the woman will leave me alone at the base of som stairs but she comes back. Now outside in the hospital grounds. It looks like thr surroundings are moving -  we realise that we are on some kind of moving circular dais - this is some kind of grounds facility. The dais - as it moves - disappears into a crack - rather like the way an escalator does when it reaches the top or bottom. We go to jump off the end. A man has now joined us, and is shouting instructions at us and goes to help us off the dais, even though we were doing perfectly well without him.

Work Insecurity (night of 09/03/2020)

At work - though the building seems to bear more resemblance to Abbotsfield Comprehensive than the call centre. Walking along a corridor with Clare H. Telling her that there is 'surprisingly little gossip at work'. I am to teach a number of new starters about the intricacies of lawnmowers. I am now walking along with Naomi - who is also teaching the new starters about something too. I look in the training room. There are a lot of them. The trainer seems to be teaching them maths. Can I really do this? Naomi walks into the room and starts talking with the trainer. I linger at the doorway, uncertain as to whether I should come in or not.

Underground Longing (night of 6th March 2020)

With R (whom I haven't seen since school). and her family - or at least her kids, one of whom appears to be pregnant themselves, despite being absurdly young. Other people are there too. I can't really remember who. A series of underground places - a subway, what looks like a car park (no cars?), a basement room. I have wondered ahead. I discover my voice has echoes. Looking down a long tunnel. White light from outside - the feeling we are at a beach - Brighton? Scraping my fingers against a wall to hear the echo this makes?
The feeling of a following morning. Sat on an armchair. R. comes in and sits next to me, drapes herself over me in an intimate fashion. Isn't she married though? She crosses her leg over my lap and I am afraid she might feel an erection. I put my arm around her shoulders, but feel this might be a step too far.

From Empty School Ground to Crowded Campus (night of 08/02/2020)

Night-time. I head back into the grounds of Abbotsfield School. I am sleeping the night here. I have the feeling that I might be some kind of security guard - though I know it is not normal procedure to spend the night here. Walking across damp and surprisingly long grass - looking into the windows of the empty buildings (and there are more buildings here than in waking life). I think of all the empty corridors, of what it would be like wandering the whole campus at night. I suppose I could do it, after all, I do have access...
Inside. I am vaguely surprised to see so many people about. It now doesn't feel like Abbotsifield but Worcester University Campus. There are lots of people about... Perhaps they are here for some kind of vacation courses? A conference? I try to move through a gap between pillar and wall but have to walk through people sitting on a bench area instead.
I think of the upper floors - of the times I have walked there before - (old recurring dreams, unsure if my dream-self thought of them as dreams or memories) - bright and haunted, full of hospital machinery. Perhaps I shall walk there now? There will be no lectures up there - of this I am sure, and there will be plenty of people on the lower floors to make the whole venture seem less frightening that it might otherwise be.
I join the shift of people move down corridors, and up stairs. So many people.
They all seem to know where they are going.